#28: Another FD (Fall Documentation): Italy

So, a few years ago I had the opportunity to go on a study abroad to my dream place: Italy. I was the 2nd youngest in the group, and it only took a few days for everyone to notice that I was not exactly the most graceful of persons. I was soon dubbed "Lil' Ang."

Towards the end of our trip we ended up touring the beautiful coastal towns known as Cinque Terre, which is basically the Celestial Kingdom on earth. Well, no, but I have yet to come across any place more beautiful. The group of girls I was with decided that we should try sunbathing on these nice flat rocks that were peeking out of the water along the shore. The postcard-like scene was too alluring.

The girls I was with successfully maneuvered the flat rocks and staked out their individual sunbathing spots. Then in comes Lil' Ang. I made it about 2 or 3 rocks in, when my 0-traction shoe hit some moss just right...and I was down before you could say "ciao bella." But, I have learned to just laugh at myself, and the girls I was with had learned to laugh at me--er...with me...--too. Unfortunately, I was wearing these white and blue-striped shorts, and the rock I had landed on was clothed in a nice thin green layer of Mediterranean moss, which all too easily transferred to my large kabooty.

After a hearty laugh, I stood up and attempted to hop to the next rock. Apparently this rock felt like the first one hadn't done its job right, because before I knew it, I found myself back into a horizontal position, and this time with some painful souvenirs on my legs in the form of scrapes and bruises. This time, the girls laughed so hard that one of them almost peed her pants. And the layer of green on the seat of my shorts received an additional tint.

At that point, no one trusted me to walk by myself and I was helped to a wonderful, moss-free bathing stone where I was able to enjoy myself with everyone else. Unfortunately, I was never really able to wash the St. Patrickness out of my pants...and from then on not only was a dubbed Lil' Ang, but also "Scum Bum."

#27: Why I will never look at FHE the same way again

So, once upon a time I used to work at the magical place known as the Creamery on Ninth as a cashier. It wasn't the most ideal job, but I had a great time and worked with awesome people that became my Creamery "family."

One day, one of my recently married co-workers, Zach the produce stocker, was making a purchase through my register at the end of his work shift. He was purchasing items for sushi, and casually mentioned that they were for FHE (Family Home Evening--a night when the family gets together, and usually consists of having some kind of lesson, usually a spiritual one, and an activity).

The following short conversation ensued:


me: "So...since you're married, do you guys do FHE with other married couples in a group, or do you just have it between you two?"


Zach: "Oh, we just do it by ourselves. Which is great, because some nights for FHE we'll look at each other and say, 'Want to have sex? OKAY!!' "


 I think my face went from peach to cherry red in under 2 seconds. When he left, I couldn't stop laughing.

The next time Zach and I had coordinating shifts, he approached me and profusely apologized for having made such an awkward situation. I just told him to not worry about it, that I thought it was hilarious.

I still think it is. And I guess I have a new FHE activity to stow away for the records after I'm married.

#26: South America....don't drink the water.

When going to a foreign mission, the last day or two of the MTC is spent mentally traumatizing the outgoing missionaries with stories of those who had gone before them that had fallen deathly ill or been grotesquely injured due to not following strict rules of hygiene, maintenance, and common sense. We were strictly told to not drink the water, and if we did, to either boil it or bleach it. Determined to be the ever-perfect missionary, I landed in Paraguay believing that I would not be one of those "stupid missionaries" who ignored the oh-so-wise council given in the MTC, and had ended up looking like one of the following (maybe the middle face is blind...?):

What I soon learned, was that oh-so-wise council was definitely not given by recently returned missionaries who actually had to live in 3rd or 2nd World conditions. I still bleached my water whenever I could, attempting to cover up the pool-like flavor with cheap juice powders or sacred Crystal Light packets sent from home, but I had to be super conscientious about it. Boiling water took forever...and tasted like liquified pasta, so that was out of the question.

However, one hot, sweaty day, my comp and I found ourselves without water, and far from any despensa that could sell us any. We decided to rely upon the mercies of a nearby member. We unintentionally woke her from a nap, and in her groggy state, she kindly gave us some water from her thermos, a typical Paraguayan necessity. However, in Paraguay, most people will just pour the beverage in one glass, and when the one companion has finished it, they pour in another serving for the second comp, who drinks from the same glass.

This time was no different. My comp got her turn first, and then I was poured my share. As I desperately gulped down the life-saving H2O, I looked to the bottom of the glass, something I habitually did to check for straying herbs or unwanted dirt. That's when I saw it. Something small. And black.

...it was swimming.

That's right, not floating...but swimming. There, in the bottom of my glass, was a tiny black fish. It seemed to desire to get out of its new glass home, but was unaware of how dangerous its plight really was. My eyes widened but I knew if I said anything, even in English, my companion could react in a way that would be suspicious or possibly offensive to the kind member who we had awoken. So I said nothing. I drank carefully--you bet I was thirsty enough to still drink the fish water--but I left just barely enough water at the bottom of the glass for the little creature to continue to make freestyle laps around as it pleased.

I handed the glass back to the member and thanked her.

...she poured more water into the glass.


...then gave it to my companion.


...who, unawares, quickly drank...the...whole...thing.


I stood by, saying nothing, silently pleading that she would look into the glass and see for herself that she was swallowing a miniscule living animal...but look she did not, and gulp away she did. I knew I should have probably warned her...but I didn't want to make any kind of scene, especially as there weren't very many members in the branch and we wanted to definitely stay on good terms with this one.

My companion completely emptied the glass.

Looking back, I'm not sure who I feel more sorry for...the fish, or my companion. Fortunately for both of us (she about killed me when I 'fessed up about what happened), my companera did not get sick. Phew.

The fish, I'm sure, was not so lucky.

New Blog!!

I have created another blog! thywallsarecontinuallybeforeme.blogspot.com

It's purpose is to help those with depression, and to provide understanding to those who don't. I'd love some followers! :) And if you know someone with depression, spread the word!! ~hugs~

Shout out!

Hey blog followers! First off, thank you for reading my blog--it makes me so happy to know that these posts make most (hopefully all) of you laugh, or at least smile. That is the purpose of this blog--to provide a little humor and to help see the humorous side of things when they don't exactly go ideally. Now, what I  would like to know is:

1) what has been your favorite blog post? Or top 3 if you don't want to narrow it down.

2) Suggestions?

3) Has there been any funny event that I have still neglected to post about that you know of?

If you read my blog, but aren't an official follower, or simply don't want to post here, you may facebook me your responses, or e-mail me at: cali_angel777@yahoo.com

I love you all, and I am hoping that you are all finding joy amidst the struggles of life.

P.S. I am strongly considering starting a separate blog--one not related to humor, but the opposite: depression and how to cope with it. Keep an eye out for it! :) Hugs!!!

PPS--some favorites of other viewers: "Bernarda, My Experience With a Retired Prostitute," "The Cake Crossing," and "ACT stands for Acute Corporal Trauma" if you don't want to go through every post. :)