In Defense of Waiting Until Marriage

This post is sparked because of a status I read on Facebook that, simply put, made me mad. The status was long, but its overall message was criticizing the idea of waiting to have intercourse until marriage because of how awkward it would be and how he wouldn't want his honeymoon to be spent with that awkward first-time inexperienced sex he'd had as a teenager.

Well, in my opinion, people that didn't wait, or even try to wait until marriage are not even qualified to criticize waiting, because they do not know, and will never know what it is like. I know no one has asked for my opinion, but I'm really sick and tired of my beliefs getting criticized from every direction from people who think they are well-informed but refuse to listen to hear the other side. So here is that other side. 

I was married about five months ago. I had never been married before. I was twenty-four, almost twenty-five years old. And I am completely not ashamed to admit that I was a virgin when I was wed to my sweetheart. And guess what--my husband was too. And I wouldn't change that for anything. Let me tell you, it was hard to wait. Hormones don't turn off just because you've made the decision to wait. But we both waited. We had made the decision long before we had even met each other that we would wait until marriage. And the world would probably ask why in our right minds we would commit to such an "old-fashioned" idea. 

It may surprise some that the decision to wait actually did not stem from the idea of "saving my heart for that one special someone," although elements of that idea are involved. It also has little to do with the fear of getting pregnant or contracting some kind of disease, although those would have been undesired. My husband and I both waited because we felt and still hold that sexual intercourse is sacred. It uses sacred procreative powers and is the highest expression of love a couple has. When intercourse happens before marriage, my impression is that most of the time it has very little to do with love and a lot to do with lust and getting what one wants because their body is telling them to. Now, I don't think having the desire is wrong, and is actually very normal. But I control my body-- not the other way around. I repeat, I truly believe sex to be sacred and that it should only be used within the bounds that our Heavenly Father has set. What are those bounds? "We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife." (The Family: A Proclamation to the World). Chastity is still a commandment. God doesn't change his mind or His commandments simply because His children don't think they're cool or not fair. Chastity is not out-of-style or reserved for our grandparents' eras. It is still a commandment. And despite what the Internet, movies, peers and others glamorize or say about sex, I treasure chastity and virtue.

Now, I won't go into details about my honeymoon, but looking back, I still have no regrets about waiting. Despite neither of us having had any experience, nothing about it was awkward. We learned together, and that made it special and all the more sacred to us.  (I feel like I should clarify that sacred does not mean "not fun.") Yes, we had a lot to learn. And that was just fine. There was nothing, absolutely nothing shameful about that. Another perk for me personally as someone who can be very good at worrying, is that I don't have to worry about my husband comparing me with someone else. Our trust for each other has grown. And we share something that is uniquely ours. Often, the feelings I have about the relationship my husband and I share are so strong that I don't even have words to express it. And I don't mean just the sexual part, although that is a big and crucial part. I dated a lot of different guys before my husband and I started courting, and I will say, what my husband and I share is totally unique and special. My marriage is far more than "just a piece of paper." I hold my marriage and the relationship I have with my husband sacred above almost all other things. 

Some argue that "sex is okay as long as you both really love each other." But to quote Christian pastor Mark Gungor's "A Tale of Two Brains," (a very entertaining presentation about marriage and men and women's different ways of thinking) if you're building a house, you don't ever pay the contractor before the house is finished. (Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?) Marriage shows real commitment by both partners. But even a marriage proposal is not marriage. Being boyfriend and girlfriend for several years is not marriage. Being engaged is still not within the bounds The Lord has set and does not justify having intercourse. 

Elder Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles gave a fabulous talk regarding chastity in last April's General Conference, which you can read or watch here. I 100% support everything he says, and I highly encourage everyone to read it. He says things a lot better than I can and is very direct but not offensive. 

Proverbs 31:10 states: "Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies."

Indeed, it seems that finding any woman or man that has saved themselves for marriage is so rare these days that precious stones are easier to come across. The world so often teaches that it is embarrassing to be a virgin. I argue that those who wait until marriage and then stay faithful to that marriage are of more value than any amount of rubies in the world (or money, or anything for that matter). To those who waited or are still waiting until marriage, I applaud you and thank you for holding to something that society is fighting against and is so hard to do. If you are still waiting, I tell you that it is so worth the wait. It is worth fighting for. 

I'm fully aware that this post is not in accord with the popular opinion of most people my age, and a lot of other people for that matter. And to them I say, I am not the one that is missing out.