My new life/Pennies for dollars

I am always surprised and curious by some people. Some people have surprised reactions when they see me out and about running errands with Caleb. Some have expressed surprise that I seem so "put together," as if it was a miracle that I was able to shower and get dressed in something other than sweats and get out the door. I am also surprised (and a little annoyed) at the abundance of articles and blog posts online about how difficult it is being a mom, especially a stay-at-home-mom, as if their world got turned upside-down the moment they popped out a kid. (I almost wrote pooped out a kid on accident. Haha)

I have something to say to these people.

My life changed when we had Caleb. That little boy impacted our world as nothing else could. And I would not trade my life for anyone else's.

Did we have to adapt? Yes.

I went from a college student to a stay-at-home-mom rather quickly and it was a HUGE change. Written tests were exchanged for the test of patience as our baby cried sometimes for no reason. Late nights with roommates and friends were exchanged with late nights with a baby who refused to fall asleep. Getting up for classes was exchanged for getting up in the middle of the night to feed my baby. The pains of loneliness were exchanged for the pains of breastfeeding. But all of those things were also exchanged for the adventure of working on a new life together with my husband, as we got to know this incredible and beautiful new spirit that entered our lives.

Did we have to make some sacrifices? Of course.

We couldn't go to the movies whenever we wanted to. We had to plan our temple trips better to make sure we could make our goal of still going once a month. I couldn't work on my art every time I wanted since Caleb would get hungry or grumpy. Sometimes I had to postpone eating my own dinner so Caleb could eat his. We had to make more of a daily schedule. My body changed and suffered from going through pregnancy, delivery, and nursing.

But as my mom told me, with motherhood you are exchanging pennies for dollars. I would do it all again. Even the pregnancy nausea part. Because it lead to the beautiful life I have now.

These sacrifices are so trivial compared with what I got in return. I get to see a baby look around for me when he hears my voice. I get to see a baby, my baby, laugh and smile and show off those adorable dimples every day. I have not just one, but two cuddle buddies. I get to watch firsthand as this little person reaches new milestones that I took for granted. Things like being able to grab a desired object or holding one's head up. I get to watch him explore a brand new world as I ponder the miracle of life.

My life did not end because I had a baby. It changed. It got better. And we adapted. Some of those adaptations were more difficult than others. But again, pennies for dollars.

People, pull yourself together. Shower when the baby is asleep, or put him or her in a bouncer in the bathroom. Take control of your life. Stop reading all of the "How to survive being a young mother!" articles all of the time like I mistakenly did, because it makes life seem harder than it is. Get dressed, put on some makeup, and get out the door every once in awhile for goodness sake. Let Dad take the kids for a night every so often so you can rejuvenate yourself. Don't stop working on your talents--they will help you and your family. Find the little and big joys in being a parent. Have play dates with other people in your shoes. Laugh at the things that go wrong, like when the baby has pooped or spat up on his fourth outfit. Stop comparing yourself in negative ways to those around you and find a righteous parenting style that works for you and BE CONFIDENT with it. That doesn't mean you'll never have questions, but when you do, ask the veteran parents around you for counsel, and cherry pick what works for you.

You are not a victim of parenthood. Yes, your life is different. But every single stage of life will have its challenges. Life is about adapting. So adapt. When God created you, He also made you a problem-solver.

Yes, there will be days like these. Laugh, clean it up, and move on... But take a picture to laugh at later first. 

There are so many things online that make parenthood and children seem like they are monsters out to ruin your life. Can we please stop with that nonsense? It's no wonder people postpone having children--people think they won't get to do all the wonderful things they want to do once they have a family. While some of that may be true, you instead get to do DIFFERENT wonderful things once you have a family. Like helping a child grow and learn and explore, who in turn will teach you to do the same.

Pennies for dollars.

Thank you Brent and Caleb, for giving me the life of my dreams.

***Before you leave any comments, know that I fully acknowledge that if you are dealing with postpartum depression, a baby with colic, or any other difficult circumstances, then yes, those add new stresses and I fully realize that I don't completely know what those situations are like. I would love your input if you have dealt with those things. 

Four months

Four months old today!

Caleb, you bring us more happiness than we could ever imagine. We have learned that you do not like onions. Well, at least when Mommy eats them. You still have not mastered rolling from your back to your tummy but you are sooooo close, and rolling from tummy to back has become a piece of cake. You have also started to kick your left leg about 10 times more than your right, but Dr. Bloink (yes, that is really his name) essentially said it was fine as long as you are still moving both sides.

We go on lots of walks now. Once you can sit up without support you'll actually get a good view of all the neat things we pass. Like these horses.

You have developed a great laugh that includes lots of squeeling. We LOVE it! Here's a video so we can all remember it:

Yesterday when I did the laundry I had to put away some of your baby clothes that you have outgrown. I always get a funny feeling when that happens. We are always so excited to see you grow and hit different milestones, but putting those clothes away reminds us that you will never be that small again and never get those moments back. We are always moving forward, but that's a good thing, and we are just glad that we take too many pictures and videos.

You like to chew on anything that you can get into your mouth, especially your parents' fingers. Sleep is still somewhat elusive at night, especially when Daylight Savings hit. Seriously, whoever came up with that idea did NOT have young children at the time. 

Also, we think your natural faux hawk is amazing. 

We have so much fun. Maybe too much sometimes?

Because the ward choir was desperate for members to sing in Stake Conference, we have started going and bringing you along, and you are such a hit! Everyone loves you. Kay next door says that you bring peace to her, and that you will be a peacemaker when you get older. We don't doubt it!

You do get bored more easily now, and you love cuddling and being held. We are also spending lots more time outside, which you have gotten used to and seem to enjoy. You look more and more like your daddy every day, which is probably why you are so good lookin'! ;)

We love you little man!

My thoughts on OW

I love General Conference.

I feel so uplifted as I listen to our leaders' words, and I find ways that I can improve. I feel closer to the Spirit, and therefore closer to the Savior. This April will be my first conference as a mother, and that gets me really excited, as I will have a different perspective on the talks. I love being a mother. I love being a wife. And I love being a woman.

However, as Conference approaches, there has been a women's activist group that has been getting louder and louder. If you haven't heard of them, they are called Ordain Women, or OW and I'll quickly bring you up to speed with what has been going on with them. Their goal: convince church leaders to ordain women to the Priesthood. They feel that until women are also ordained, then there will always be gender inequality within the Church. This group began by requested tickets for the Priesthood session last October's conference. They have since held lots of meetings and they plan to request tickets again for this April's Priesthood session, as well as hold what they consider to be a peaceful demonstration at Temple Square.

In the October conference, this talk by the apostle Elder Neil A. Anderson was given. But I guess it wasn't enough, because OW is rallying again.

So just a couple of days ago, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints responded with this letter. 

The group was disappointed and still plan to come to the Priesthood session to ask for tickets, quoting the scripture "Ask and ye shall receive; knock and it shall be opened unto you" (found in 3 Ne 27 and Matthew 7) Some expressed disappointment that someone other than one of the brethren (one of the Apostles of members of the Presidency) wrote the letter.

Here's what I have to say about all this, and I will try to be polite, as my feelings run quite deep on this issue.

I believe that God does want "Equality" in some sense. He has given His children equal access to the Atonement. Whether they hold the Priesthood or not, all have equal access to the blessings of the Priesthood. But the world has been convincing many for a very long time that equality = sameness. This is not the case.  Remember this inspired document? It states, "Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose." If gender did not matter, then I guess gender equality should mean that equality means we have to be the same in every way. 

But God did not intend for us to be the same. 

When OW began, it seemed that their intention was to just "ask." They have indeed asked. And to be quite honest, I have no issues with people asking questions. It's how the Church began. It's how we have the Word of Wisdom. And the Church has answered. But it wasn't the answer OW wanted. And so they plan to keep asking and knocking until the figuratively break down the door and get in. 

I would like to remind everyone of the story of Martin Harris and the lost pages. Brother Harris asked the prophet (on behalf of his wife) to have the translated 116 pages for a time as proof of the glorious work they were doing. The prophet asked God. God responded with a clear "NO." Sister Harris was pretty miffed. And so they asked again. Again, NO. They asked again. And God essentially said, "Have it your way but you'll regret it." And the manuscript was stolen and altered by wicked men and now we regrettably have lost an inspired work. Sometimes when we ask God something, the answer is "not now." And sometimes it is simply "No." As disappointed as we are, and even if we don't understand why, we must conform to God's will if we are to receive His choicest blessings. That's just the way it is. What good parent would give in to their child's every pleading? OW, you have been given your answer. Learn from Martin Harris.

Some are also disappointed that someone "higher up" didn't respond to their pleas, which I find a little interesting because I thought that they would have been pleased that a female was the writer of the letter. But here's another lesson from history: remember Naaman in 2 Kings? Here's a recap if you have forgotten. Naaman was a leader in ancient times cursed with  the dreaded disease of leprosy. But his maidservant told him of a prophet who could potentially heal him. So Naaman went to the prophet to ask for help. He was vastly disappointed when the prophet's servant came out to deliver the message rather than the prophet himself. He stormed away, blinded by his own self-importance. Thankfully, Naaman's own servant had him reconsider, and he followed the prophet's advice that was delivered through the servant and he was healed. Just because the message wasn't delivered by the prophet himself doesn't mean it didn't come from him. 

The Church has responded to OW by clearly stating that the Priesthood is a doctrinal issue. It is something that God decided. This way of order is also very clear in the Endowment video, and I invite you to go to the temple and watch it. Some may not agree with it, but we must remember God's statement: "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55: 8-9)

To treat the Church as if it is some political entity that can be changed by petitions, protests and democracy is highly inappropriate. If you really believe that the Church is God's kingdom restored again to the earth, run by a prophet of God rather than a prophet of man, you will understand that doctrine cannot be changed, even as society does.

ON THE FLIP SIDE, some people have responded with hateful comments towards the supporters of OW. I do not feel that this is appropriate either. I will echo President Uchtdorf's words in his last conference talk: "Come and add your talents, gifts, and energies to ours. We will all become better as a result." Obviously these women have leadership skills. The Church could always benefit from great leaders who uplift and encourage those around them. I sincerely hope that none of these women leave the church simply because they got an answer they don't agree with.

Some also essentially say, "Men need something because women are already so close to the Spirit!" But I feel like that is a completely unnecessary put-down for men. I know lots of men that are much closer to the Spirit than some women, and some men who would, sadly, make better mothers than some women.

Some women also respond with, "I don't want the Priesthood! I don't want all that responsibility! I have too much as it is!" I won't say I don't want the Priesthood because of the additional responsibilities, because being responsible is a wonderful thing.

 But I don't want to be ordained to have the Priesthood for one simple reason: God decided it should be this way, and I never want to be found demanding of Him that which is contrary to His will. That's it.

I will repeat again, I love being a woman. But I have never felt that I have been treated unfairly due to church doctrine. Sure, it is run by imperfect individuals who make mistakes. That's all God has to work with (echo Elder Holland), but I will repeat Elder Uchtdorf and say that "His doctrine is pure." God's standards do not change, even as the world does. Could you imagine if it did? How could it be a true church if the doctrine was always changing to conform with the world's? Thank heavens it doesn't.

I caution others to stop "kicking against the pricks." Do not herald excommunicated women as heroes as some have done because they fought for women's "rights" back in the day. Women, you do not need to be ordained to the Priesthood. If you feel like the Church treats men better, read this talk by apostle Elder D. Todd Christofferson. Women have a wonderful and equal place in the church with men, albeit a different one. It is how God designed it, not man. Sometimes we have questions that won't be answered in this life. Sometimes we will get answers that we don't like. That is part of life.

I'm not sure how to close this, and I don't want to ramble any more than I have. So I will only say that I invite all of us to join in a spirit of love and harmony and sisterhood and human-hood, even if we do not always agree.