Today was another great day. I successfully climbed onto the kitchen table several times, where I found Big Brother's food and drink. I think I broke my PR for fastest table-climbing. I had a lot of fun splashing in the water I knocked over until Mom found me. Soon after, I found some drawers, and I liberated their contents from their prison. I also found the container that holds the light-up-button-blocks hostage and I liberated those as well. I kept my favorite one with me until I got distracted shutting myself inside a cupboard. I left the button-block there for safekeeping, but Daddy found it while he and Mom spent a long time looking for something called a "remote."
I keep trying to get through the baby gate, but alas, today my efforts were still in vain. One day I will be able to climb over it, and then nothing will stop me. Luckily, Big Brother saw my plight and let me through. I almost made it to the top of the stairs when Mom found me. She's getting faster.
Mom keeps trying to give me poison. It comes in various forms, but it's all horrible. I don't know why she insists on trying to feed me garbage when I can always locate my favorite foods under my chair after meal time. The bread and shriveled mac and cheese noodles have always reached the sublime level of staleness that could only be described as the nectar of the gods. That shniz is straight up deloycious.
My mouth hurts. Mom says I have a tooth coming in. I'm so glad she's up all night with me to help me feel better. In other sleep news, I am getting better at perfecting my timing of the NBM (the "Nap-time Bowel Movement). I've gotten out of two naps this week because of it!
I think Mom is sick, because she's drinking more of her canned medicine lately. It must be medicine because she calls it "Doctor Something."
Other than that, it was a pretty normal day. A lot of running around the couch, climbing the couch, climbing Mom, grabbing frozen delights out of the freezer whenever Mom has opened it. I also managed to get into Big Brother's bathroom and found the tube of heavenly blue-sparkle paste and sucked on that until Mom found me. However, Mom did strap me into the Torture Chair in the car again. I always let her know after a few minutes that I won't stand for this kind of menial treatment. There are so many buttons up in the front and goodness knows they won't push themselves. Big Brother and I had a screaming contest in the car. It was so much fun that eventually Mom joined in too!
We went to the magical place called Chick Fil A. I even got to steal several sips of Big Brother's soda while Mom juggled me, the food, the drinks, more of Mom's medicine, and her purse. I could feel Big Brother's drink pulse energy through my veins as I drank of its divine goodness. After we ate and I let Mom know I was finished by throwing the rest of my poison onto the floor where it belongs, Mom let us into the playground. The drink gave me superpowers because today I was able to get all the way to the top of the playground several times.
But then it was back into the Torture Chair and then to a place that has a red and white circle shape on the outside. I think the circle hypnotizes Mom because she always says, "I just need to get Big Brother some new clothes" and we always get other things. Sometimes we don't get clothes at all, and I am confused. Big Brother and I always try to stage an intervention when we can tell she has been too hypnotized and we let her know that IT IS TIME TO GO. We wear her down eventually and we know we've succeeded when she does the Sigh. Then it's back into the Torture Chair AGAIN and this time I've really had it. I lecture her the whole way home, and Big Brother too. Maybe she's learned her lesson this time.
So all in all, a good day. Tomorrow I will be sure to visit Mom in the bathroom, as I didn't get a chance to today--she remembered to shut the door this time. I just really need to unroll the toilet paper roll and see if I can shut the lid while Mom is sitting on the white seat. If I'm really lucky, she'll forget to shut the door when she leaves and I'll get to splash in the water within the seat while she makes my poison lunch.
Until next time,