Over the course of the last six months, several people I know and care for have suffered tragic losses, especially regarding infants. Probably because I am a new mom, these have been hitting very close to home. I know that it could have been our baby at any point along the journey. Last night I was thinking of all of those mothers who are mourning, and as I rocked Caleb to sleep I choked on the songs I was singing to him. And when I went to bed, my husband held me and I wept. Sleep evaded me for hours. And so to help me deal with the emotions I was going through, I wrote a poem. I strongly believe in artistic expression to help cope, and the visual art I usually turn to didn't seem like the appropriate method. So here's my poem. The poem could relate to those who have had a miscarriage, lost a child, or struggled with infertility. Please don't judge too harshly as I don't normally consider myself a poet.
"I Trust"
The miniature clothes
to never be folded again
The lullaby lost and silenced
taken like a breath on the passing wind
with the scattered leaves
Replaced with tears
and a gnawing ache.
A hole.
Unfilled.
Unending.
Yet I trust
that the God of mankind
to also be the God of little ones
And I trust
that His gentle arms cradle
the child that I do not.
I trust
that His arm that is stretched out still
will one day stretch out
Place in my hand
the small fingers I love and long for.
I trust
that small cries no longer heard here
and bitter cries now
will one day turn to cries of joy
most celebrated amidst the angels.
I trust
in an everlasting Atonement
in a Savior
Who feels my ache
Who heals the wounds
Who raised the sleeping sons and daughters
Who raises me
and raises Himself
on my cross.
to right the wrong
and lost time.
I trust
in a hope I cannot see
but feel.
I trust
in Him.
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