On Being Offended

I have this bad habit. I love to read the many informative articles and blogs posted by my friends on Facebook and Pinterest, my pregnancy app, and even yahoo. That's not the bad habit though. The bad habit is that too often, after I finish the article, I scroll down and read the comments left by other readers. Oh my word. Don't even do it. The best comparison I can make for the "comments" section of most articles is that it is a cesspool that brings out the worst in people. While some comments are friendly and supportive, many, TOO many, are nothing short of hateful. Under the guise of anonymity, people forget that the writer is an actual person and leave comments that they would never, ever dare say to an actual person's face. Most of these spiteful comments are considered justified because the reader felt offended by the article. The irony here, is that I find that these kinds of comments are usually written in a much more offensive manner than the article itself, and often take the writer's comments completely out of context or twist them around to make them sound way worse than what the author intended. All because the reader felt "offended."

I also read a lot of pregnancy articles, many of which have a title that often says something like, "What NOT to do/say to a pregnant woman..." I find myself chuckling at these articles, because they usually imply that the pregnant woman has the right to feel super insulted at the actions well-meaning people. I am eight-months pregnant and I am not offended if my friends want to touch my protruding belly, tell me cliche sayings that I hear time and time again ("Enjoy it now--this is when your baby is easiest to take care of!") or give me advice. Heck, I've never done this parenting thing and I could use all the tips I can get. Just don't be offended if I decide that your tip doesn't work well for me even though it worked for you.

But here is what I'm getting at--people, why are we allowing ourselves to be offended so dang easily? Being offended is a choice. Yes, when you are offended, you are choosing to react that way. You are choosing to let a very negative and socially-destructive feeling take control of a part of your life. Why do we do this?? Do you know why political bantering, the "mommy wars", family feuds, road rage, and all these social battles we are going through are so ugly? I think a part of it is because we choose to immediately react to the opposing side in righteous indignation in the name of being offended.

Can I offer a suggestion? When we come across something or someone or some situation that would normally offend us, instead of getting upset, take a step back and ask yourself, "Why might a person do or say that?" We all have different experiences that have shaped us into who we are--experiences that we value. We come from different cultures--family cultures, country and state cultures, religious cultures, all of which we usually value. These things contribute strongly to a person's makeup, and therefore opinions, and that means that there are a LOT of different opinions out there.

Now, I'm not saying that everything that everyone does is right because their life experiences have made them into who they are. Not at all. Breaking the law is still wrong, and sin is still sin, we shouldn't allow ourselves to be doormats for others to walk on, or tolerate wrong behavior. I am also not giving people a free pass to make hurtful comments or act unkindly. What I am saying is that maybe if we just took the time to evaluate why a person says or does something or acts a certain way, I think we would feel more at peace, react more patiently, and respond in more appropriate ways. And here's the beauty--when we react more respectfully, we are usually treated more respectfully in return by the very person or people that were "offensive." When we take the time to see a person's viewpoint, we are blessed to control our own tempers, we build social relationships, and we are given an opportunity to see things we might have missed. I believe that there is a lot of power in that. I believe that people who choose to not get offended easily have a much greater influence over others. I believe that great leaders have the gift of being assertive without giving or quickly taking offense.

I love this quote: "Just because you are offended, doesn't mean you are right." Just some food for thought.

Let us take the time to be better listeners. Let us remember that people are people, even if they are hidden by their user name or the vehicle they are driving. We cannot always control the behavior of others, but we can control how we react to them.